Thirty-Something Soccer Mom

I used to be the kind of Mom that never let her kids play with guns.  For years I deliberately avoided any toys that even vaguely resembled a weapon.

When friends asked what kind of gift to get for my sons birthday party I was the type to politely inform them we didn’t let our boys play with guns.

 “Really?”  Some would say, “Not even a Nerf gun?

I felt a virtuous pride (while simultaneously judging them to be irresponsible parents) as I stuck to my “no toy gun” policy.

The first time this philosophy was ever challenged was when my oldest son was 2.  While at a family gathering he emerged from his cousins bedroom gleefully holding a toy gun.  Horrified, I gave him a disapproving look and ran to his side.

“No, No sweetie,” I said while removing it from his tight, chubby fist, “We don’t play with guns.”

I thought I was doing the right thing.

After all, I told myself. We live in a violent world.  If more parents were like me, maybe we could start changing the culture of violence in our society.

And then one day something happened and my perspective completely changed.

What Changed Me-

One morning I was reading a story to my young sons.  Although the book was illustrated and obviously written for a child, it was a historical retelling of a peaceful civilization whose lands had been invaded by an opposing force.  Those who lived in the villages along the borders of their land were being killed and their houses burned.  Those who hadn’t been attacked were torn between their desire for non-violence and their natural instinct to defend and protect.  

In the midst of this conflict a brave young man stepped forward, ripped off his coat and began writing upon  it…”In member of our God, our freedom, our peace, our wives and our children”- he fastened this motto upon the end of a pole and ran through the villages rallying the people to fight to protect all they loved and held dear.

The story ends with the people uniting to defend themselves against this opposing force.  Many lives were lost but eventually the people drove out the invaders and restored peace and security to their land.

I had read this story many times but this time it pierced my heart in an unexpected way.  With my 3 sons gathered around the book I realized I’d been so intent on teaching them not to be violent and not to kill that I’d ignored the truth that defending yourself and others against such violence is not only okay, it’s what men are supposed to do.

Simultaneous with this thought was the realization that my young sons would not always be little boys.  They would soon grow into young men and would one day be husbands and fathers with a responsibility to protect their families.   What if one day they fall victim to a home invasion or a public terrorist attack.  Their wife and children will be looking to them for protection. How will I have prepared them for that?

I also realized that my oldest son would be  18 in a little over 10 years.  What would he do if he was drafted or enlisted in the military?  How was I preparing him to defend himself in battle if the first time he held a weapon and looked down the sights of a gun was in military basic training?

Wouldn’t I rather him begin learning these lessons with a nerf gun or BB gun instead of pulling the trigger with something that could actually take a human life?

The Consequences of my upbringing-

I never played with toy guns when I was a kid.  My parents didn’t allow it.  They didn’t have any firearms in our home either.  I was 18 years old when I enlisted in the Air Force and I had never held a real gun.

While in basic training I distinctly remember the day they took us to the firing range for our M-16 training.

I was not only terrified, I was terrible.  I’d never shot a gun in my life- and it showed. I knew nothing about technique; how to aim at a target or the startling sound the bullet made when I pulled the trigger.  I barely passed the requirements to qualify and I prayed to God I’d never be sent to the front lines of battle because I knew I’d not only be completely worthless to my comrades, I’d undoubtably be the first one dead!

My husband also enlisted in the military.  We met at my second base.  Right away I was impressed with the “expert marksmanship” ribbon displayed on his dress uniform which he earned at the M-16 training in boot camp.  He later told me he’d been shooting from the time he was a kid.  That experience helped him to become proficient in handling his weapon and honed his talent for incredible aim. 

Years later he was sent on a dangerous deployment to Indonesia.   Due twas issued a Due to the growing unrest in the area he was issued a 9mm hand gun and ordered to wear it at all times while off base.  Luckily for him he didn’t have to use it, but I felt comforted knowing that if he found himself in a life-threatening situation he was more than capable of protecting himself.

Where I stand Today-

As I considered these things I began to loosen my grip on my “no gun” policy.  It didn’t happen all at once but in time I found myself being less offended by the idea of my son holding a toy gun.  I still wasn’t okay (and continue to be today) with violent video games or pretend games that involve killing people.  But it made sense to me that if I wanted my son to be an able-bodied man that could handle a real gun in defense of his family or country I’d have to be okay with him shooting at milk jugs with his BB gun in the back yard.  Not long after this experience we bought our oldest son his first Nerf Gun. Since then we’ve never gone back.  After a few years with a Nerf shooter he received his first BB gun.  Years later that evolved into an air soft.  Just recently we bought my son his first 22 rifle for his 15th birthday.

Nearly 10 years have passed since my change of heart.   Today, we have a rubbermaid bin in our basement filled with an arsenal of Nerf guns.  They don’t play with them much any more but they served their purpose as a stepping stone to where they are today.  My sons are all teenagers now and  are very capable gun handlers.

Sometimes I look back on my decision and am blown away at how far I’ve evolved from my old way of thinking.  Today, when I hear of a young mother, or even one of my peers, tell me they don’t let their kids play with guns I see myself in them and completely understand.   I don’t judge them or think they are a bad parent.  How could I?

I share my experience realizing it may not change your perspective but if nothing else I hope it will give you something to consider.