Thirty-Something Soccer Mom

Last summer I received an email from my 42-year-old sister announcing the pregnancy of her 7th child.

I audibly gasped at the news.  After getting over the initial shock my first inclination was to give her my condolence followed by a sisterly pep talk.  As I was formulating this response in my head it quickly morphed into me wanting to lecture her about not being more careful and responsible with her birth control.   How could she let this happen? I thought.

All day long I delayed my response fearful that I would say something stupid and damage our already struggling relationship.  It wasn’t until that afternoon that a startling thought entered my mind.  Maybe this wasn’t an accident.  Maybe, she wanted to have another baby.

My jaw nearly dropped as I realized my sister had voluntarily signed herself up for another 18 years of motherhood- on purpose!

The possibility of this irritated me to no end…Why would she do that, I thought?  Her youngest child had just turned 6, that magic age when children enter all-day school and for the first time in years you get 6 glorious hours of freedom all to yourself.

In anticipation of this approaching phase I’d just mailed her a book for her birthday hoping to spark her once expressed interest in eastern medicine. I’d been excited that after 20 years of tending little ones she’d finally have some time to pursue this passion.  I’d even envisioned her taking a class at the local college while her kids were in school but all of these thoughts came crashing down as I realized she’d now be in her 60’s when her youngest child left home.

I replied to her email with a polite “congratulations” followed by a smiley face so she couldn’t accuse me of being snarky.

In the months that followed I was surprised at how often the idea of her pregnancy came to my mind. Each time it did, I was filled with irritation and judgement. 

Why couldn’t I let it go?  What was it that bothered me so much about this situation?  Then, one day while sweeping  the steps I had an epiphany as this unique thought entered my mind…

What’s wrong with her wanting another baby?

What’s wrong with a woman loving motherhood so much that she doesn’t want it to end?  

What’s wrong with a healthy, capable woman who has the ability and means to support another child to want to prolong the years she can nurture and care for children?

I loved the time at home I had with my children when they were small but I was beyond excited when my youngest turned 6 and I could devote more time to my writing. 

Just because I couldn’t wait for my kids to start school doesn’t mean every mother feels that way.  Many women derive a tremendous amount of satisfaction and pleasure by devoting their lives to the rearing of their children.  For them there is nothing more joyful than caring for a sweet baby.  They’re completely content to keep house, run their kids around to soccer practice, piano lessons & cub scout activities, serve on the PTA, volunteer at their kids school and bake delicious home-cooked meals from recipes they’ve found on Pinterest.  Who am I to judge her for that?  If that’s what she loves and brings her happiness and fulfillment and she wants to extend the years in which she can do those things who am I to judge?

But we do…all the time.  As I reflected on this more questions entered my mind as I considered the judgement mothers of large families often receive.

Why are we as a society so quick to ask mothers what are they going to do now that all their kids are in school?  As if being a mother isn’t enough. 

I personally was surprised at how quickly the time passed when all my kids were in school.  I got a lot of questions from my in-laws that first year.  What are you going to do with all your time?  Are you going to go back to work or get a part time job?  Frankly, I didn’t want to, I wanted to clean my house, be caught up on laundry and have the time to organize my spice drawer.  I wanted to work on my writing, cook for my family and get my gym workout in without having to wake up at 5am.

For some women their interest and passion lie in raising children.  So why does our society marginalize “just being a mom” as an unworthy profession or a waste of ones life?

 Abraham Lincoln said of his mother, “All I ever am, or hope to be I owe to my angel mother.”

I know for myself devoting yourself to motherhood is an incredibly rewarding experience.  The possibility that you are shaping the mind and building the character of tomorrows leaders is an exciting possibility.  Not every stay at home Mom is eagerly awaiting the day she can re-enter the work force or go back to school and pursue the degree she started but never finished because she became a mom.

So whether you know a Mom who’s youngest kid is starting first grade or you see a woman in her forties pregnant with yet another baby…just smile and give her the freedom to purse the path that brings her joy… Even if it’s different from your own.